Tom J
We were given several paragraphs to paraphrase. To make sure I'm on the right track, can you please identify if I have paraphrased this short paragraph accordingly?
Original:
Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the head. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports
Mine:
The value of bicycle of bicycle helmets: A study regarding helmet usage determined wearing a helmet reduces the risk of head injuries by 85 percent. Helmet usage is most prevalent for children, considering that half of bicycle related head injuries involve children. The study concluded that three fourths, of the more than 1000 related bicycle deaths yearly, resulted from head injury. (Consumer Reports, Bike helmets).
Answer
It's not bad, although you are saying things in your paraphrasing that are not in the original paragraph. For example, your sentence, "Helmet usage is most prevalent for children" which implies that helmets are most used by children (the definition of prevalent is "widely or commonly occurring"); there's nothing in the first paragraph that indicated most children wear helmets. I think you're meaning to say most "important" or most "necessary" for children; "prevalent" is the wrong word there.
And you can take out the two commas in the last sentence. They are unnecessary.
Honestly, paraphrasing usually entails shortening and tightening up something but, in your case, the paragraph is longer.
You could say "Helmet usage is most important for children, who account for half of bicycle-related fatalities." That makes it a little shorter and, actually, more accurate as the first paragraph refers to "fatalities" in children and not "injuries" as you have it.
Make sure when you are paraphrasing that you are not changing the facts as well.
It's not bad, although you are saying things in your paraphrasing that are not in the original paragraph. For example, your sentence, "Helmet usage is most prevalent for children" which implies that helmets are most used by children (the definition of prevalent is "widely or commonly occurring"); there's nothing in the first paragraph that indicated most children wear helmets. I think you're meaning to say most "important" or most "necessary" for children; "prevalent" is the wrong word there.
And you can take out the two commas in the last sentence. They are unnecessary.
Honestly, paraphrasing usually entails shortening and tightening up something but, in your case, the paragraph is longer.
You could say "Helmet usage is most important for children, who account for half of bicycle-related fatalities." That makes it a little shorter and, actually, more accurate as the first paragraph refers to "fatalities" in children and not "injuries" as you have it.
Make sure when you are paraphrasing that you are not changing the facts as well.
Can someone help me paraphrase these paragraphs. Please no dumb answers, I really need help.?
Xx420thOne
1. "The Antarctic is the vast source of cold on our planet, just as the sun is the source of our heat, and it exerts tremendous control on our climate," [Jacques] Cousteau told the camera. "The cold ocean water around Antarctica flows north to mix with warmer water from the tropics, and its upwellings help to cool both the surface water and our atmosphere. Yet the fragility of this regulating system is now threatened by human activity." From "Captain Cousteau," Audubon (May 1990):17.
2. Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbes the shock and cushions the head. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990): 384.
3. While the Sears tower is arguably the greatest achievement in skyscraper engineering so far, it's unlikely that architects and engineers have abandoned the quest for the world's tallest building. The question is : Just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has designed a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, twice as tall as the Sears Tower. And architect Robert Sobel claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building. From Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial(May 1990): 15.
Answer
1. The Antarctic is very cold on our planet. The sun has a lot of control with our climate. The water around Antarctica goes north and mixes with warmer water, and it helps cool our surface water and atmosphere. This system is fragile.
2. Three-fourths of bicycle deaths are caused by head injuries. Half were school kids. Wearing a helmet can reduce injury to the head. A helmet cushions the head in an accident.
3. The Sears tower is possibly the best achievement in skyscraper engineering. A structural engineer has made a skyscraper about one and a half mile tall. That's twice as tall as the sears tower.
1. The Antarctic is very cold on our planet. The sun has a lot of control with our climate. The water around Antarctica goes north and mixes with warmer water, and it helps cool our surface water and atmosphere. This system is fragile.
2. Three-fourths of bicycle deaths are caused by head injuries. Half were school kids. Wearing a helmet can reduce injury to the head. A helmet cushions the head in an accident.
3. The Sears tower is possibly the best achievement in skyscraper engineering. A structural engineer has made a skyscraper about one and a half mile tall. That's twice as tall as the sears tower.
Powered by Yahoo! Answers
Title Post: I could use some help with paraphrasing....?
Rating: 100% based on 9998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 100% based on 9998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar