Q. A little background on me. I am a mother of 5- my youngest being 5 month old twin boys. My 3 year old has tantrums 4-6 times a day where she literally slams her entire body against the wall. We HAVE taken her to the pediatrician twice for this, one time he told my husband and I to buy her a bike helmet for her tantrums.
We have tried everything it feels like. We have tried cuddling and holding her through tantrums, time outs (ineffective after a while) spanking, losing privilages- nothing is working.
We try asking her why she gets so upset- and she won't say... she just screams and hits and throws her body around.
We thought maybe it was something to do with gluten so we cut that out of meals and we are using organics now to cook with.
Im seriously at my wits end with her. I love her so much but we are so frustrated with her bad behavior. The pediatrician calls her 'spirited' and says she'll grow out of it. It's been going on for months now.
Anyone else have a kid like this?
We tried timeouts for 22 days. They quickly became ineffective. She would scream in her chair- we tried talking to her then, ignoring them- you name it. They just didnt work.
We have to keep a 'behavior' journal. We had Help Me Grow evaluate her and they said she was right where she needed to be she was just 'stubborn' and agreed with the pediatricians evaluation that she's "spirited".
We have tried getting her to help out with the babies, but she sees them like toys- and tires of them quickly.
Im really afraid she is going to hurt herself with the way she throws herself around.
We have tried giving her more attention- the past two nights I let her cosleep with me. (my husband is a 3rd shift police officer) She used to cosleep as a baby before she transitioned into a big girl toddler bed. She cuddled and all that fine, but this morning she woke up and had a massive tantrum when I didn't have breakfast made fast enough. I just want to do the right thing here- I appreciate all your responses.
We have tried everything it feels like. We have tried cuddling and holding her through tantrums, time outs (ineffective after a while) spanking, losing privilages- nothing is working.
We try asking her why she gets so upset- and she won't say... she just screams and hits and throws her body around.
We thought maybe it was something to do with gluten so we cut that out of meals and we are using organics now to cook with.
Im seriously at my wits end with her. I love her so much but we are so frustrated with her bad behavior. The pediatrician calls her 'spirited' and says she'll grow out of it. It's been going on for months now.
Anyone else have a kid like this?
We tried timeouts for 22 days. They quickly became ineffective. She would scream in her chair- we tried talking to her then, ignoring them- you name it. They just didnt work.
We have to keep a 'behavior' journal. We had Help Me Grow evaluate her and they said she was right where she needed to be she was just 'stubborn' and agreed with the pediatricians evaluation that she's "spirited".
We have tried getting her to help out with the babies, but she sees them like toys- and tires of them quickly.
Im really afraid she is going to hurt herself with the way she throws herself around.
We have tried giving her more attention- the past two nights I let her cosleep with me. (my husband is a 3rd shift police officer) She used to cosleep as a baby before she transitioned into a big girl toddler bed. She cuddled and all that fine, but this morning she woke up and had a massive tantrum when I didn't have breakfast made fast enough. I just want to do the right thing here- I appreciate all your responses.
Answer
hehehe.. I WAS one of those kids....
Is she normally a good kid, loving, happy.. just likes to push buttons? Do you ask her 'pick up her toys' and she responds with a big loud 'NO'??? Does she stamp her feet, throw things when she's in a rage because she hasn't received what she wanted (or doesn't see the fairness in what you are asking)? Then... well I'll let you know what my mom did with me. (Gawd, I hope I won't have a kid like I was - luckily my mom was like me when she was little and therefore understood it)...
Anyway, My mom would ignore me when I would get into a rage like that. First she would put me in my room and close the door - I would tear it up, throwing things around - literally making it look like a cyclone went through it. If I would storm out of the room, she would put me back in, kicking and screaming on occasion. I had to be confined when I went into my rages (not just an 'open-air' time out, but in my room). She put all my breakable stuff up high so I wouldn't destroy that stuff - until I was about 4.5-5 years old. Eventually i would calm down. She would hear me talking to myself. She would keep listening until she would hear me playing. it wasn't until then that she would come in, calm and collected and nice. She would say to me "have you calmed down now? Do you think you're ready to come out? Do you know why I put you in your room?" After I answered those questions she would help me pick up my stuff I threw about the room. She would be really cheery about things though. I am sure it was frustrating on her lol. We would then go and have a few minutes just her and myself, without my brother or sister. She would get me to clean up the toys I had a rage over (or do whatever it was that she'd asked me to do prior to my tantrum). I would end up doing it most times, without fuss.
There were times when I would be so bad that she would almost lose her temper herself. She would lock herself in the bathroom, turn on the bathtub and sing to herself, blocking out my kicking and screaming. I would eventually calm down. and she could come out.
I remember being in those rages, even 30 years later. I remember being afraid of my anger but not understanding it. Having my mom let me get my rage out, and then coming in and tell me things would be ok and that she still loved me helped me to deal with them. I out grew them by the time I was about 4-4.5. I don't have anger problems now but I do fight for myself - I am sure just part of my personality. Just don't lose your cool with her whatever you do. Don't go into a rage yourself. Also, there are times when you will have to raise your voice and say 'NO' (say she tries to bite you when you pick her up). Don't raise your voice often though becasue then it'll just be expected. My mom raised her voice very rarely so when she did - I would know that i had really disappointed her (like when I would try and bite her.. eeks). I hated to disappoint my mom! My dad would yell all the time - I didn't care so much if I disappointed him because I always got that reaction from him. Anyway, if you refrain from getting really angry with her, she'll be less likely to respond with anger herself.. she'll probably out grow this earlier and it'll help her in the future. She'll mimic your responses and how you deal with your anger. She needs you and your husband to teach her that anger will be ignored and that she won't get what she wants. I know it's odd but she also needs comfort (that is probably partly why she's acting out). She's got a strong will - which is a good thing so you don't want to break her of her will (she'll be a fighter in the face of adversity) but you don't want her to focus her energies into anger but developing another productive focus. Mine became school and sports and making my parents (particularly my mom) proud of me.
I hope that helps
Edit: I noticed that someone said consistency.. that is totally true! My mom, without fail, sent me to my room. It was always the same routine. I guess that is why I remember it so well haha. Also, don't worry, the tantrums will slow down as she gets older, over the next year. I still had the occasional one when I was about 5-6 but really, it wasn't often!
Good luck!
I saw that you added that you ignore her.. keep that up - put her in her room and she'll learn to calm herself down. If you go in while she's screaming and throwing herself around, she's getting attention. Just let her rip her room up, throw herself around the room. If she hurts herself, she'll learn (I did a few times - I kicked a solid wood foot of my dresser so hard it cracked apart!!. I learned to never do that again). Ignore, Ignore, Ignore (while she's in her room where she can do the least amount of damage to things and herself). if the screaming is driving you up the wall, put on loud music or start to laugh (I talked to my mom today about your question, she would try and find the humour in the situation, the fact that such a little kid could get into such a rage) She sounds exactly like I was. Peace to you! ;-)
hehehe.. I WAS one of those kids....
Is she normally a good kid, loving, happy.. just likes to push buttons? Do you ask her 'pick up her toys' and she responds with a big loud 'NO'??? Does she stamp her feet, throw things when she's in a rage because she hasn't received what she wanted (or doesn't see the fairness in what you are asking)? Then... well I'll let you know what my mom did with me. (Gawd, I hope I won't have a kid like I was - luckily my mom was like me when she was little and therefore understood it)...
Anyway, My mom would ignore me when I would get into a rage like that. First she would put me in my room and close the door - I would tear it up, throwing things around - literally making it look like a cyclone went through it. If I would storm out of the room, she would put me back in, kicking and screaming on occasion. I had to be confined when I went into my rages (not just an 'open-air' time out, but in my room). She put all my breakable stuff up high so I wouldn't destroy that stuff - until I was about 4.5-5 years old. Eventually i would calm down. She would hear me talking to myself. She would keep listening until she would hear me playing. it wasn't until then that she would come in, calm and collected and nice. She would say to me "have you calmed down now? Do you think you're ready to come out? Do you know why I put you in your room?" After I answered those questions she would help me pick up my stuff I threw about the room. She would be really cheery about things though. I am sure it was frustrating on her lol. We would then go and have a few minutes just her and myself, without my brother or sister. She would get me to clean up the toys I had a rage over (or do whatever it was that she'd asked me to do prior to my tantrum). I would end up doing it most times, without fuss.
There were times when I would be so bad that she would almost lose her temper herself. She would lock herself in the bathroom, turn on the bathtub and sing to herself, blocking out my kicking and screaming. I would eventually calm down. and she could come out.
I remember being in those rages, even 30 years later. I remember being afraid of my anger but not understanding it. Having my mom let me get my rage out, and then coming in and tell me things would be ok and that she still loved me helped me to deal with them. I out grew them by the time I was about 4-4.5. I don't have anger problems now but I do fight for myself - I am sure just part of my personality. Just don't lose your cool with her whatever you do. Don't go into a rage yourself. Also, there are times when you will have to raise your voice and say 'NO' (say she tries to bite you when you pick her up). Don't raise your voice often though becasue then it'll just be expected. My mom raised her voice very rarely so when she did - I would know that i had really disappointed her (like when I would try and bite her.. eeks). I hated to disappoint my mom! My dad would yell all the time - I didn't care so much if I disappointed him because I always got that reaction from him. Anyway, if you refrain from getting really angry with her, she'll be less likely to respond with anger herself.. she'll probably out grow this earlier and it'll help her in the future. She'll mimic your responses and how you deal with your anger. She needs you and your husband to teach her that anger will be ignored and that she won't get what she wants. I know it's odd but she also needs comfort (that is probably partly why she's acting out). She's got a strong will - which is a good thing so you don't want to break her of her will (she'll be a fighter in the face of adversity) but you don't want her to focus her energies into anger but developing another productive focus. Mine became school and sports and making my parents (particularly my mom) proud of me.
I hope that helps
Edit: I noticed that someone said consistency.. that is totally true! My mom, without fail, sent me to my room. It was always the same routine. I guess that is why I remember it so well haha. Also, don't worry, the tantrums will slow down as she gets older, over the next year. I still had the occasional one when I was about 5-6 but really, it wasn't often!
Good luck!
I saw that you added that you ignore her.. keep that up - put her in her room and she'll learn to calm herself down. If you go in while she's screaming and throwing herself around, she's getting attention. Just let her rip her room up, throw herself around the room. If she hurts herself, she'll learn (I did a few times - I kicked a solid wood foot of my dresser so hard it cracked apart!!. I learned to never do that again). Ignore, Ignore, Ignore (while she's in her room where she can do the least amount of damage to things and herself). if the screaming is driving you up the wall, put on loud music or start to laugh (I talked to my mom today about your question, she would try and find the humour in the situation, the fact that such a little kid could get into such a rage) She sounds exactly like I was. Peace to you! ;-)
What is a good beginner bike?
Joe
What is a good beginner street bike @ 5'11'', ~160lbs?
Answer
1. You want to be able to sit on a bike with both feet flat on the ground. This probably won't be a problem for you.
2. You don't want to start on anything too big and heavy. I would say about 650cc is the upper limit. A 250 is nice, and years ago we all learned on small bikes, but there aren't many models that small today, only the Ninja 250 and the Honda Rebel 250. And if you plan to do long trips at high speed--like a 20 mi. commute on the freeway--250cc is too small. It's not the power that's dangerous in bigger bikes, it's the weight. But a 500 or 650 is not that much bigger/heavier than a 250. Good models are the Honda 599 ('Hornet'), the Suzuki GS 500 or SV 650, Ninja 500 or 650, etc. Don't be afraid of too much power, you don't have to use all of it all the time, but it's there when you want it.
3. Stay away from the hot sportbikes--Honda CBR, Suzuki GSX-R, Yamaha R6, etc. They are wonderful bikes, really, and just extremely popular these days, but they are not for beginners. They have twitchy steering geometry, they're very uncomfortable with small, hard seats and extreme riding positions, they are not forgiving for learners. If you have to have one of these machines, I don't blame you, but you should see it as something to work up to.
4. You don't want to buy a shiny new bike to learn to ride on. You're going to be hard on your first bike. Get something 5-10 years old, old enough to be depreciated but new enough that you can still get parts. After six months or a year you can sell this bike for about what you paid for it, and by then you'll have a better idea of what you want.
5. I highly recommend the MSF course. They don't teach you to ride--you learn riding by riding! But they teach you some habits to keep you safe. Motorcycles are least safe when you are starting out. Half of all motorcycle accidents happen to riders with less than a year's experience, so in starting out safety should be your highest priority. Also remember to leave room in the budget for helmet, gloves, and jacket.
6. Motorcycling is just as much fun as it looks like. 8^) Enjoy, but be careful.
1. You want to be able to sit on a bike with both feet flat on the ground. This probably won't be a problem for you.
2. You don't want to start on anything too big and heavy. I would say about 650cc is the upper limit. A 250 is nice, and years ago we all learned on small bikes, but there aren't many models that small today, only the Ninja 250 and the Honda Rebel 250. And if you plan to do long trips at high speed--like a 20 mi. commute on the freeway--250cc is too small. It's not the power that's dangerous in bigger bikes, it's the weight. But a 500 or 650 is not that much bigger/heavier than a 250. Good models are the Honda 599 ('Hornet'), the Suzuki GS 500 or SV 650, Ninja 500 or 650, etc. Don't be afraid of too much power, you don't have to use all of it all the time, but it's there when you want it.
3. Stay away from the hot sportbikes--Honda CBR, Suzuki GSX-R, Yamaha R6, etc. They are wonderful bikes, really, and just extremely popular these days, but they are not for beginners. They have twitchy steering geometry, they're very uncomfortable with small, hard seats and extreme riding positions, they are not forgiving for learners. If you have to have one of these machines, I don't blame you, but you should see it as something to work up to.
4. You don't want to buy a shiny new bike to learn to ride on. You're going to be hard on your first bike. Get something 5-10 years old, old enough to be depreciated but new enough that you can still get parts. After six months or a year you can sell this bike for about what you paid for it, and by then you'll have a better idea of what you want.
5. I highly recommend the MSF course. They don't teach you to ride--you learn riding by riding! But they teach you some habits to keep you safe. Motorcycles are least safe when you are starting out. Half of all motorcycle accidents happen to riders with less than a year's experience, so in starting out safety should be your highest priority. Also remember to leave room in the budget for helmet, gloves, and jacket.
6. Motorcycling is just as much fun as it looks like. 8^) Enjoy, but be careful.
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