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Tom J
We were given several paragraphs to paraphrase. To make sure I'm on the right track, can you please identify if I have paraphrased this short paragraph accordingly?
Original:
Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the head. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports
Mine:
The value of bicycle of bicycle helmets: A study regarding helmet usage determined wearing a helmet reduces the risk of head injuries by 85 percent. Helmet usage is most prevalent for children, considering that half of bicycle related head injuries involve children. The study concluded that three fourths, of the more than 1000 related bicycle deaths yearly, resulted from head injury. (Consumer Reports, Bike helmets).
Answer
It's not bad, although you are saying things in your paraphrasing that are not in the original paragraph. For example, your sentence, "Helmet usage is most prevalent for children" which implies that helmets are most used by children (the definition of prevalent is "widely or commonly occurring"); there's nothing in the first paragraph that indicated most children wear helmets. I think you're meaning to say most "important" or most "necessary" for children; "prevalent" is the wrong word there.
And you can take out the two commas in the last sentence. They are unnecessary.
Honestly, paraphrasing usually entails shortening and tightening up something but, in your case, the paragraph is longer.
You could say "Helmet usage is most important for children, who account for half of bicycle-related fatalities." That makes it a little shorter and, actually, more accurate as the first paragraph refers to "fatalities" in children and not "injuries" as you have it.
Make sure when you are paraphrasing that you are not changing the facts as well.
It's not bad, although you are saying things in your paraphrasing that are not in the original paragraph. For example, your sentence, "Helmet usage is most prevalent for children" which implies that helmets are most used by children (the definition of prevalent is "widely or commonly occurring"); there's nothing in the first paragraph that indicated most children wear helmets. I think you're meaning to say most "important" or most "necessary" for children; "prevalent" is the wrong word there.
And you can take out the two commas in the last sentence. They are unnecessary.
Honestly, paraphrasing usually entails shortening and tightening up something but, in your case, the paragraph is longer.
You could say "Helmet usage is most important for children, who account for half of bicycle-related fatalities." That makes it a little shorter and, actually, more accurate as the first paragraph refers to "fatalities" in children and not "injuries" as you have it.
Make sure when you are paraphrasing that you are not changing the facts as well.
can you paraphrase this texts ?
Jana
3.Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the head. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990): 348.
4.Matisse is the best painter ever at putting the viewer at the scene. He's the most realistic of all modern artists, if you admit the feel of the breeze as necessary to a landscape and the smell of oranges as essential to a still life. "The Casbah Gate" depicts the well-known gateway Bab el Aassa, which pierces the southern wall of the city near the sultan's palace. With scrubby coats of ivory, aqua, blue, and rose delicately fenced by the liveliest gray outline in art history, Matisse gets the essence of a Tangier afternoon, including the subtle presence of the bowaab, the sentry who sits and surveys those who pass through the gate. From Peter Plagens, "Bright Lights." Newsweek (26 March 1990): 50.
5.While the Sears Tower is arguably the greatest achievement in skyscraper engineering so far, it's unlikely that architects and engineers have abandoned the quest for the world's tallest building. The question is: Just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has designed a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, twice as tall as the Sears Tower. And architect Robert Sobel claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building. From Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial (May 1990): 15.
Answer
3. Head injuries account for 75 percent of all bicycling deaths and half of the 1000 fatalities are school-age children. One study concluded that a bike helmet can cushion the head and absorb shock, thereby reducing head injuries by 85 percent. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990): 348.
4. Matisse was an expressive painter, capable of effectively placing the viewer in the midst of his scenes. As a realistic modern artist, Matisse seemed to incorporate the feel of the breeze and the smell of oranges into his still life. "The Casbah Gate" depicts the well-known southern gateway Bab el Aassa, near the sultan's palace. Matisse captured the essence of an afternoon in Tangier by his subtle use of color set against perhaps liveliest gray outline in art history. Even the bowaab, or sentry, surveys all who pass through the gate and all who view the painting. From Peter Plagens, "Bright Lights." Newsweek (26 March 1990): 50.
5. When the Sears Tower was completed it was considered the greatest example of skyscraper engineering. Architects and engineers still dream of designing the world's tallest building, but just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has already designed a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, or twice as tall as the Sears Tower. Another architect, Robert Sobel, claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building. From Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial (May 1990): 15.
3. Head injuries account for 75 percent of all bicycling deaths and half of the 1000 fatalities are school-age children. One study concluded that a bike helmet can cushion the head and absorb shock, thereby reducing head injuries by 85 percent. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990): 348.
4. Matisse was an expressive painter, capable of effectively placing the viewer in the midst of his scenes. As a realistic modern artist, Matisse seemed to incorporate the feel of the breeze and the smell of oranges into his still life. "The Casbah Gate" depicts the well-known southern gateway Bab el Aassa, near the sultan's palace. Matisse captured the essence of an afternoon in Tangier by his subtle use of color set against perhaps liveliest gray outline in art history. Even the bowaab, or sentry, surveys all who pass through the gate and all who view the painting. From Peter Plagens, "Bright Lights." Newsweek (26 March 1990): 50.
5. When the Sears Tower was completed it was considered the greatest example of skyscraper engineering. Architects and engineers still dream of designing the world's tallest building, but just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has already designed a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, or twice as tall as the Sears Tower. Another architect, Robert Sobel, claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building. From Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial (May 1990): 15.
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Title Post: I could use some help with paraphrasing....?
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